I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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