im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
