You're my little dorito
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
