i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
