Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
