They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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