I heard we made out
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
