I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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