put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
