I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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