just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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