you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
