Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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