my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm always down for nudity.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
