new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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