To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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