I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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