Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Farmville is her only friend.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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