Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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