About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
