she was so not down for the gang bang
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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