oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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