im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
