Your tits are I can't wait for
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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