I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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