Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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