it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
