Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
