i was rollin on her like bob the builder
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
