Will you blow on my dice?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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