so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
