I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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