She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
