Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
