If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
