I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
