so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
