we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
