if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
