I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No subtext here. People are naked.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
