Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
