I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
