you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
