Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
