with your own penis?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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