I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
