i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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