HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You took a bar mat shot.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She's just so happy...and so naked.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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