i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
