somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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