Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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