Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
