he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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