I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
