I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
