You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
