I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
