I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We got so high we made milksteak
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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