Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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