i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
